Erica, a recent visitor to our blog, had asked a question of our resident etiquette expert Jodi Smith.  You can find her question and Jodi's answer below.  As always, if you have a question for Jodi please post a comment to any of the Destination Wedding Etiquette posts and I will forward your question to her.

Erica's Question: 

Hello, I have a confusing destination wedding situation. My cousin is getting married in Vegas, no one is invited to the wedding because she wants it private. My boyfriend and I are attending however we were never officially invited, it just happens that we will be there at the same time. The situation is this, she wants a traditional bridal shower, and is planning a post wedding celebration in the summer, for a wedding no one was given the option to attend. They are going to rent tents and have a band, however the alcohol and food with be provided by all of the family members, not a traditional reception. She has made the statement that she just wants the gifts. My question is this, what if any gift is appropriate for a wedding that you were not invited to at a post wedding party that you are providing the food and beverages for?

Jodi's Answer:

This is a sticky situation.  With a bride who announces she wants a private wedding, I would think twice about attending the ceremony, even if I happen to be in town.  You should let the bride know you just happen to be in Vegas at the same time.  If the bride seems welcoming, then you should consider attending. 

As I am sure you already know, anyone invited to a bridal shower should be invited to the wedding.  But unless the bride asks you about this etiquette point, you should not share this information with her. 

And finally, to your question, if you are attending a family gathering where you are also helping to supply the food, and a recently married relative is in attendance, you should bring a small gift as a token of your well wishes for her future. 

-Jodi

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author.  To email your etiquette emergency, click to http://www.mannersmith.com.  Copyright © 1996-2008 Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter as long as this copyright and full information about contacting the author is attached.