We are pleased to introduce etiquette expert Jodi R. R. Smith from Mannersmith Etiquette Counseling.  Jodi will be helping answer some of the most common questions regarding Destination Wedding ettiquette.

1. I want my destination wedding to be intimate, with just our close family and friends, but my parents are treating it more like a traditional wedding and inviting everyone we know. When I question them on their guests they tell me that they won't come anyways, but I don't want to take the chance. How can I make sure I have my intimate wedding while not offending my parents and their friends?

You are right to be concerned.  As a host, you must presume that there is a chance everyone who is invited will decide to attend.  In fact, some invited guests who may have declined a traditional wedding invitation decide to accept a destination wedding invitation and turn your event into their "trip of a lifetime!"  Sit down to speak with your parents.  Share that you are so happy they are excited about the wedding and understand they want to be as inclusive as possible.  Let them know you are working with the resort and the total number of guests will be (insert your preferred number here).  Then suggest since they truly want to celebrate, perhaps they could host a brunch in your honor when you return.  You can play the wedding video, wear your wedding outfits and dance to your wedding song.  This allows your actual wedding to be the intimate affair you expect and allows your parents to share their joy among their friends.

2. My fiancé and I have always dreamt of having a destination wedding with a very laid back simple intimate ceremony on the beach, but my parents want a formal wedding in a church and a full reception. They even offered to help pay for the additional expense if we did it their way. How can we turn them down without offending them?

Outwardly it would seem as if you and your parents are approaching this event from completely opposite perspectives.  The first step is to ask and listen.  Speak with your parents about their expectations, hopes and dreams for your wedding.  Listen carefully.  Ask what about the church is important.  Ask what about a formal event is important.  Ask what constitutes a "full reception."  Then thank them for sharing their ideas with you.  Later review what you learned with your fiancé.  Is it that your parents want the church for the pews and stained glass windows or is it that they want you to be married by a religious official?  For many religions, there are clergy who will be happy to perform a ceremony on the beach.  Is it that your parents wanted a formal event or is it that they want to be sure to be included?  You can still have your father escort you down an aisle created at the beach and have your mother bestow a blessing.  Is it that your parents want a formal meal and dancing with a band or is it that they want to have a special evening?  You can plan a festive wedding banquet with the requisite dancing at the resort.  Once you have listened, really listened to what they want for you, you can honor their ideas and including what you can.  Creativity counts! 

3. I have a couple guests that I know will not be able to attend my destination wedding for various reasons. Should I still send them an invitation, even if I know they can't go?

Don't be so sure.  Life has a way of changing.  Do send those on your guest list an invitation both so they know they are included and because plans do evolve over time.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author.  To email your etiquette emergency, click to http://www.mannersmith.com   Copyright © 1996-2008 Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter as long as this copyright and full information about contacting the author is attached.